Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
