Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
