Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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