Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
