hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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