i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
