They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
