Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
