I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
