I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
