u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
