Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
