Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
