Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
