I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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