i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
