First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
