I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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