My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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