...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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