One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
