What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
