im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
