that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
