piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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