What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
