dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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