Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
