I wannas sexs uuuuu
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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