Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
