my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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