i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
