I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
