Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
