I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
