You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
