I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
