he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
