whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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