that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
