He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
