I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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