GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
