What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
