Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
