thus making me awesome and them whores
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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