with your own penis?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
