She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
