he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
