I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
this is an emotional support booty call
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
