Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
