If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
