I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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