Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
